What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
