i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Houston, we have a squirter
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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