Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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