"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
