Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
