She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
