mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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