I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got chris browned last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
