I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
