Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
