You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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