We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
