Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
