you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
