our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ttyl tear gas
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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