I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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