I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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