..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
