Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
