You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
ttyl tear gas
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
