My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
