Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
