i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
