she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
