the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
