Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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