Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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