hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
