Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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