Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
as a side note pls kill me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize