No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
