Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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