whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
