My first STD was from a foam party
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
