I can tuck mytits in my pants
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
