god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
