She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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