why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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