the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
