So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The uberlube is also flammable
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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