I can tuck mytits in my pants
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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