Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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