I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
