youre lurking in front of me
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
