You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I touched a dick in church today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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