I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
