I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
