Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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