i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
