uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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