I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
