The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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