He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
