East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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