Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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