Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Panties = found
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
