I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
