I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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