Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
