Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
