I just threw up on my dentist
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
