naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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