how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
