How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
