When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
