I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it because I queefed?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
