FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
